[Haskell-cafe] New slogan for haskell.org
claus.reinke at talk21.com
Mon Oct 8 19:42:51 EDT 2007
since this doesn't seem to want to go away:-)
1. reverse psychology approach
if you have reached this page following rumours of a language
others told you every serious programmer would have to learn,
the ministry of programming would like to reassure you that
there is no such language. there is no need to panic! please
provide us with the names of those referers, so that we may
help them to understand the errors of their ways, then proceed
to theusual.com for urgent reeducation.
if you have been led to believe that the ideas of virtual machines,
generic programming, etc have not originated in java, that map
reduce was not invented by google, that pattern-matching does
not need to be restricted to regular expressions, that parsers,
interpreters, compilers for (embedded) domain-specific
languages might be written by mere programmers without
professional assistance, that neither concurrency nor maintenance
need to lead to a mess, or similarly outrageous insinuations,
please contact your nearest accredited consultant immediately.
do not be alarmed! the ministry is here to help you!
warning! our automated eye glance and attention monitors
have detected that you have recognised at least one of the
trap phrases not representing authorised trademarks of
wesellyoubuy.com products in the previous paragraphs.
do not attempt to leave your keyboard! one of our
emergency thread supression teams has been dispatched
to your present location! you have been warned!
2. mantra approach
there is no need to leave your warm fuzzy ide
- to reassure yourself, debug some pointer errors
and refactor some boilerplate code
you do not need to learn haskell:
- to restore your faith, buy two copies of "programming
for everyone" plus one of "the manager is always right"
nothing is more effective than standard meta-muddling
- version 3 of our muddling tools can now generate
non-executable boilerplate code from random
squiggles at a rate of 20 lines per second
(our integrated productivity metric analyser rates
that as "promotion material")
- the generated code is inherently protected against
analysis, modification, or composition; source
code compression tools are available as extensions
you do not need to look into haskell
- as a penance, buy two compilers, a revision control
system and a window manager
there is no need to be alarmed
- there will always be jobs for pascal programmers
(sorry, that should have been cobol; or was that c?
c++? perl? java? .. anyway, you know you're safe)
3. secret cult approach
haskell: <archaic, see also: programming language>
alegedly used by vorlon before they started
tying knots in real time (cf b4).
when informed that 99,9% of human programmers
did not even want to look at the language, the vorlon
ambassador replied: "good".
4. reach for the moon approach
do not ask what haskell can do for you,
ask what you can do for haskell.
No instance for (Enum Slogan)
arising from the arithmetic sequence `184.108.40.206. .. '
Possible fix: add an instance declaration for (Enum Slogan)
In the expression: [220.127.116.11. .. ]
In the definition of `it': it = [18.104.22.168. .. ]
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